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What the Quran and Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) teaches and says about Parents and Kinship?
KIND TREATMENT TOWARDS PARENTS AND ESTABLISHMENT OF THE TIES OF BLOOD RELATIONSHIP
Allah, the Exalted, says in the Quran:
“Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good- to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near, neighbours who are strangers, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (ye meet), and (those slaves) what your right hands possess: For Allah loveth not the arrogant, the vainglorious;-” (Surah Al Nisa’ 4:36)
“…Fear Allah, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (That bore you): for Allah ever watches over you.” (Surah Al Nisa’ 4:1)
“Those who join together those things which Allah hath commanded to be joined, hold their Lord in awe, and fear the terrible reckoning;” (Surah Al Ra’d 13:21)
“We have enjoined on man kindness to parents:…” (Surah Al ‘Ankabut 29:8)
“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: “My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.”” (Surah Al Isra’ 17:23-24)
“And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail up on travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), “Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.” (Surah Luqman 31:14)
From Hadiths of the Prophet (Peace be upon him):
‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: I asked the Prophet (PBUH), “Which of the deeds is loved most by Allah?” Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “Salat at its proper time.” I asked, “What next?” He (PBUH) replied, “Kindness to parents.” I asked, “What next?” He replied, “Jihad in the way of Allah.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “No son can repay (the kindness shown by his father) unless he finds him a slave and buys him and emancipates him”. [Muslim]
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A person came to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and asked, “Who among people is most deserving of my fine treatment?” He (PBUH) said, “Your mother”. He again asked, “Who next?” “Your mother”, the Prophet (PBUH) replied again. He asked, “Who next?” He (the Prophet (PBUH)) said again, “Your mother.” He again asked, “Then who?” Thereupon he (PBUH) said, “Then your father.”
In another narration: “O Messenger of Allah! Who is most deserving of my fine treatment?” He (PBUH) said, “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then your nearest, then nearest.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both, attain old age during his life time, and he does not enter Jannah (by rendering being dutiful to them).” [Muslim]
Commentary:
The word “Ragham” means soil. When a person’s nose is soiled, it is a mark of his extreme humiliation. This metaphor carries a curse for an unfortunate person who does not win the pleasure of Allah by serving and obeying his parents. In fact, it is a malediction as well as a prediction of someone’s inauspicious end. Service of parents is essential at every stage of their life – whether they are young or old. But this Hadith mentions their old age for the reason that in that period of their life they stand in greater need of care and service. It is a very callous offense to leave them at the mercy of circumstances when they are old, senile and depend on others for their needs. To neglect them at that stage is a major sin for which one deserves Hell-fire.
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A man said to Messenger of Allah (PBUH): “I have relatives with whom I try to keep the ties of relationship but they severe relations with me; and whom I treat kindly but they treat me badly, I am gentle with them but they are rough to me.” He (PBUH) replied, “If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes, and you will be with a supporter against them from Allah as long as you continue to do so.” [Muslim]
Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “He who desires ample provisions and his life be prolonged, should maintain good ties with his blood relations”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr bin Al-‘as (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) of Allah and said, “I swear allegiance to you for emigration and Jihad, seeking reward from Allah.” He (PBUH) said, “Are either of your parents alive?” He said, “Yes, both of them are alive.” He (PBUH) then asked, “Do you want to seek reward from Allah?” He replied in the affirmative. Thereupon Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “Go back to your parents and keep good company with them”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
In another narration it is reported that : A person came to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and sought his permission to participate in Jihad. The Prophet (PBUH) asked, “Are your parents alive?” He replied in the affirmative. The Prophet (PBUH) said, “(You should) consider their service as Jihad.”
‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr Al-‘as (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “The person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with him”. [Al-Bukhari]
Asma’ bint Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (May Allah be pleased with her) said: My mother came to me while she was still a polytheist, so I asked Messenger of Allah (PBUH), “My mother, who is ill-disposed to Islam, has come to visit me. Shall I maintain relations with her?” He (PBUH) replied, “Yes, maintain relations with your mother”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Ibn ‘Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: I had a wife whom I loved but (my father) ‘Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) disliked her. He asked me to divorce her and when I refused, ‘Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) went to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and mentioned the matter to him. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) asked me to divorce her. [At-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud]
Commentary:
If parents’ order to divorce one’s wife is based on the principles of Shari’ah and morality, it must be obeyed, as is evident from this Hadith. If their order is founded on other factors, then one should try to convince them politely so that they agree with one’s view on the issue. Here Ibn ‘Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) loved his wife for love’s sake, but his father ‘Umar bin Khattab (May Allah be pleased with him) disliked her basing his decision on religious grounds. This is why the Prophet (PBUH) ordered Ibn ‘Umar to obey his father.
Abu-Darda’ (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A man came to me and said, “I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce”. I replied him that I had heard Messenger of Allah (PBUH) saying, “A parent is the best of the gates of Jannah; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it.” [At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah]
Commentary:
The word “Walid,” applies to mother as well as father. As the word “Walidain” is a dual form and covers mother and father both; similarly the noun “father”, also applies to both. This Hadith also stresses that obedience of parents and submission to their order must have preference over the love for the wife as long as this order of theirs is fair and just.
Al-Bara’ bin ‘Azib (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: I heard the Prophet (PBUH) saying: “A mother’s sister is equivalent to (real) mother (in status)”. [At-Tirmidhi]
PROHIBITION OF DISOBEYING PARENTS AND SEVERANCE OF RELATIONS
Allah, the Exalted, says in the Quran:
“Then, is it to be expected of you, if ye were put in authority, that ye will do mischief in the land, and break your ties of kith and kin? Such are the men whom God has cursed for He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.” (Surah Muhammad 47:22-23)
“But those who break the Covenant of Allah, after having plighted their word thereto, and cut asunder those things which Allah has commanded to be joined, and work mischief in the land;- on them is the curse; for them is the terrible home!” (Surah Al Ra’d 13:25)
“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: “My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.”” (Surah Al Isra’ 17:23-24)
From Hadiths of the Prophet (Peace be upon him):
Abu Bakrah Nufai’ bin Al-Harith (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the major sins?” The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) asked this question thrice. We said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah. (Please inform us.)”. He said, “Ascribing partners to Allah, and to be undutiful to your parents”. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) sat up from his reclining position and said, “And I warn you against giving forged statement and a false testimony; I warn you against giving forged statement and a false testimony”. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) kept on repeating that warning till we wished he would stop. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Commentary:
This Hadith mentions some of the major sins. A major sin is one against which there is a serious warning in the Noble Quran and Hadith. When disobedience to parents is mentioned along with Shirk (polytheism), it makes the fact evident that both of these are very serious sins. Similar is the case of telling a lie and false testimony, which in the incident mentioned in this Hadith made Messenger of Allah (PBUH) to leave his pillow and sit attentively. It indicates that the latter two are serious. May Allah protect all Muslims from all such sins.
Abdullah bin ‘Amr bin Al-‘as (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “(Of the) major sins are: to ascribe partners to Allah, disobey parents, murder someone, and to take a false oath (intentionally)”. [Al-Bukhari]
‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr bin Al-‘as (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “It is one of the gravest sins to abuse one’s parents.” It was asked (by the people): “O Messenger of Allah, can a man abuse his own parents?” The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “He abuses the father of somebody who, in return, abuses the former’s father; he then abuses the mother of somebody who, in return, abuses his mother”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Another narration is: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “One of the major sins is to curse one’s parents”. It was submitted: “O Messenger of Allah! How can a man curse his own parents?” He (PBUH) said, “When someone curses the parents of another man who in return abuses the former’s father; and when someone abuses the mother of another man who in return abuses his mother.”
Abu ‘Isa Al-Mughirah bin Shu’bah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Allah has forbidden you: disobedience to your mothers, to withhold (what you should give), or demand (what you do not deserve), and to bury your daughters alive. And Allah dislikes idle talk, to ask too many questions (for things which will be of no benefit to one), and to waste your wealth”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
By Imam an-Nawawi
From Riyadhus-Saaliheen
Compiled By Al-Imaam Abu Zakariyyah Yahya Bin Sharaf An-Nawawi Ad-Dimashqi Ashaafi’ee (rahimahullah)
Commentary By Hafiz Salahuddin Yusuf of Alharamain Foundation
In the bible, it says for a man “shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife” and I am a christian and am following this kind of practice, but my husband, a muslim, has a very different view on these things. I was wondering if it was religion or simply person opinion. I hope you can help me!
Sister,
I believe religion has a big role to play in what a man turns out to… definitely, it also depends on the person and his/her understanding. If a person follows what Allah has commanded in the Quran and also the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), that person can never be mis-guided, and will be a boon to the society in every aspect. The rightly guided person is therefore the one who examines and blames himself for his shortcomings and then mends his ways.
Islam gives and defines rights for Parents, Child, Wife, neighbours, poor, plants, animals and what not… and these rights if executed in an honest way would make the world overflow with love. For parents rights, Allah says in the Holy Quran:
“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: “My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood.”” (Surah Al Isra’ 17:23-24)
“We have enjoined on the human beings to be kind to his parents. In pain did their mother bore them and in pain did she give them birth.” (Surah Ahqaf 46:15)
“Respect the womb that bore you.” (Surah Nisa 4:1)
“You have to be kind to your parents.” (Surah A’nam 6:151)
In Hadith:
Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-’As: “The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Those who do not show mercy to our young ones and do not realise the right of our elders are not from us.”” (Sunan Abu Dawud, Book #41, Hadith #4925)
Narrated by Abu Musa al-Ash’ari: “The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Glorifying Allah involves showing honour to a grey-haired Muslim and to one who can expound the Quran, but not to one who acts extravagantly regarding it, or turns away from it, and showing honour to a just ruler.”” (Sunan Abu Dawud, Book #41, Hadith #4825)
Narrated by Abu Huraira: A man came to Allah’s Apostle and said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?” The Prophet said, “your mother.” The man said. “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “your mother.” The man further said, “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “your mother.” The man asked for the fourth time, “Who is next?” The Prophet said, “your father.” (Sahih Bukhari, Book #73, Hadith #2)
It is the right of your mother that you should appreciate that she carried you [in her womb] the way nobody carries anybody, She fed you the fruits of her heart which nobody feeds anybody. She protected you [during pregnancy] with her ears, eyes, hands, legs, hair, limbs, [in short] with her whole being, gladly, cheerfully, and carefully; suffering patiently all the worries, pains, difficulties, and sorrows. Till the hand of God removed you from her and brought you into this world. Then she was most happy, feeding you forgetting her own hunger, clothing you even if she herself had no clothes, giving you milk and water not caring for her own thirst, keeping you in the shade, even if she had to suffer from the heat of the sun, giving you every comfort with her own hardships; lulling you to sleep while keeping herself awake.
Dear brothers
breaking a tie with relationship is like breaking the tie with god . There are two form of pray one is Ibadate Khaliq which is the direct pray to Allah and one is Khidmate khalak that is being good to people relative and friend and strangers . One who feed the poor, give him cloth, visit him when sick Allah say that he has actually fed me clothes me and visited me . Allah is closer to our own Jugular vein the first sign of being good person is to be good to all and doing good to others and obeying God. Parent are Heaven on earth Parent are Allah Shelter , Parent make many sacrifice to us and disobeying them or hurting them is big sin If a Parent is happy with us their pray can grant us Allah good pleasure . Our selfishness, greed , lust , jeolousy , anger make us un human because of which we break relationship . If we have broken the relationship we must amend and start talking to them as fast as we can hadith say within three days
Indeed parents are keys which give you acces to paradise and being close the Almighty God