Goodbye My Beloved

Goodbye My Beloved
– Extracted from a Khutbah by Muhammad Alshareef

Usama ibn Zaid radi Allahu anhu narrated in a hadith that: “We were with the Prophet when suddenly there came to him a messenger from one of his daughters who was asking him to come and see her son who was dying. The Prophet said (to the messenger), “Go back and tell her that whatever Allah takes is His, and whatever He gives is His, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term (in This world). So order her to be patient and hope for Allah’s reward.” But she sent the messenger to the Prophet again, swearing that he should come to her. So the Prophet got up, and so did Sa’d bin ‘Ubada and Mu’adh bin Jabal (and went to her). When the child was brought to the Prophet his breath was disturbed in his chest as if it were in a water skin. On that the eyes of the Prophet, became flooded with tears, whereupon Sa’d said to him, “O Allah’s Apostle! What is This?” The Prophet said, “This is mercy which Allah has put in the heart of His slaves, and Allah bestows His mercy only on those of His slaves who are merciful (to others).” (See Sahih Muslim, Hadith No. 373, Vol. 2)  (Sahih Muslim, Book #93, Hadith #474)

When death hits close to home, especially to young ones, many questions arise, especially from their young friends. One of those questions is, “How do we say goodbye?”

Ibn Al-Qayyim wrote in his book Zaad al-Ma’aad about the blessed guidance of the Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam at times of death. He wrote:

“It was from the blessed guidance of RasulAllah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam to convey his condolences to the family of the deceased. It was not from his blessed guidance to gather people to give condolences, nor was it his blessed guidance to recite Quran at the grave, nor away from the gravesite. All of this is bid’ah, innovation, and shunned. From his blessed guidance is his tranquility and acceptance of Allah’s decree, thanking Allah and holding back from saying things unbefitting. He, sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam, disowned himself from those that rip their clothes due to the calamity, or raise their voices in a wail, or those that shave their head because of the situation.”

Where do our youth normally learn about the concept of love? For the answer, all you need to do is look over the top music charts. A look at the billboard charts shows examples such as, Love Don’t Cost a Thing, What’s Luv, He Loves You Not, and others. These are just the titles, not to speak of the content of the songs, in addition to the TV shows, movies and everything in-between. So it would seem that America is teaching us the concept of love.

When was the last time you heard an Islamic halaqa about the concept of love in Islam? It was probably not recently. Thus, we can safely say that Allah and His Messenger do not dictate to us many of the concepts of love that we harbor in our minds based on American pop-culture.

Allah ta’ala says:

“Friends on that day will be foes, one to another…” (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:67)

We hear in the music and movies and sitcoms that ‘our hearts will live forever’ with the deceased. This is incorrect, as Allah ta’ala says:

“He will say: “Enter ye in the company of the peoples who passed away before you – men and jinns, – into the Fire.” Every time a new people enters, it curses its sister-people (that went before), until they follow each other, all into the Fire. Saith the last about the first: “Our Lord! it is these that misled us: so give them a double penalty in the Fire.” He will say: “Doubled for all” : but this ye do not under stand. Then the first will say to the last: “See then! No advantage have ye over us; so taste ye of the penalty for all that ye did !” To those who reject Our signs and treat them with arrogance, no opening will there be of the gates of heaven, nor will they enter the Garden, until the camel can pass through the eye of the needle: Such is Our reward for those in sin.” (Surah Al A’raf 7:38-40)

If a friendship was ever made for other then the sake of Allah, then that friendship ends at death. There is no ‘heart that lives on after death’.

But if you have ever loved someone because they said La ilaaha illAllah Muhammad ur RasulAllah, then your friendship will not end at death! Completing the above verse Allah ta’ala says:

“Friends on that day will be foes, one to another– except the Righteous.” (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:67)

And on the Day of Judgement, of the seven types of people who will find shade from the horrific heat will be two people who loved one another only for the sake of Allah. Imagine that in the hardest time of your life, if you loved someone for the sake of Allah, they will be saved hand-in-hand with you.

Do all good things will to an end? It’s a good question. Summers come to an end, ice creams come to an end, interesting khutbahs come to an end. So what’s the answer? Allah ta’ala says:

“What is with you must vanish (end): what is with Allah will endure. And We will certainly bestow, on those who patiently persevere, their reward according to the best of their actions.” (Surah Al Nahl 16:96)

There are things that help us in times of sadness:

1.  During times of sadness, Allah wants us to come back and reflect upon the Quran. He revealed it for us to contemplate over. The believer will find tranquility for his or her heart in it.

2.  Whatever happens, when someone is patient and says the du’a that the Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam taught us, that person will be blessed with something better. The du’a is as follows:

“Inna Lillahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon. Allaahumma ‘jurnee fee museebatee, wakhluf lee khayrun minh” (To Allah we belong and unto Him is our return. O Allah, recompense me for my affliction and replace it for me with something better)

Umm Salama radi Allahu anha, the narrator of this du’a, reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: “If any servant (of Allah) who suffers a calamity says: “We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it,” ‘Allah will give him reward for affliction, and would give him something better than it in exchange. She (Umm salama) said: “When Abu Salama died. I uttered (these very words) as I was commanded (to do) by the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him). So Allah gave me better in exchange than him. i. e. (I was taken as the wife of) the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him).” (Sahih Muslim, Book #004, Hadith #2000)

For those who have had a child die, take glad tidings in the following hadith.

Abu Musa al-Ash’aree radi Allaahu anhu narrates that Allah’s Messenger sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam said:

“If the child of a servant (of Allah) dies, Allah questions the angels, ‘Have you taken the life of my servant’s child?’

“The angels reply, ‘Yes.’”

“Allah then asks them, ‘Have you taken the fruit of his heart?’”

“The angels reply, ‘Yes.’”

“Then Allah asks them, ‘What did my servant say?’”

“They reply, ‘He praised you and refrained (from saying anything unbefitting).’”

“At that Allah will say, ‘Build a home for my slave in Jannah and call it   (The Home of Thankfulness).’”

Umar radi Allaahu anhu said, “We found the best of our provision to be patience.”

The term al-Qadaa’ wal qadr is so easily inadequately translated. Some have translated it as pre-destiny or decree. I came across a book once in Madinah though, that cleverly translated the term qadr as pre-recording. This is a translation we can all understand, especially with our TV culture. Everything that happens to us is pre-recorded with Allah ta’ala, and nothing can happen except by His will and knowledge.

When a death befalls someone, it is permissible to cry (without wailing) and to feel sadness in the heart. When the son of Rasul Allah sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam was dying, he held his small body in his hand and began crying. The Sahabah who saw him crying inquired, “What are these tears, O Messenger of Allah?”

He sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam replied, “The eye cries, and the heart is saddened, but we do not say anything other then that which is pleasing to our Lord, and we, indeed O Ibrahim [my son], are saddened by our separation from you.”

Narrated by Anas bin Malik: “We went with Allah’s Apostle (peace be upon him) to the blacksmith Abu Saif, and he was the husband of the wet-nurse of Ibrahim (the son of the Prophet). Allah’s Apostle took Ibrahim and kissed him and smelled him and later we entered Abu Saif’s house and at that time Ibrahim was in his last breaths, and the eyes of Allah’s Apostle (peace be upon him) started shedding tears. ‘Abdur Rahman bin ‘Auf said, “O Allah’s Apostle, even you are weeping!” He said, “O Ibn ‘Auf, this is mercy.” Then he wept more and said, “The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord, O Ibrahim! Indeed we are grieved by your separation.”  (Sahih Bukhari, Book #23, Hadith #390)

However, we have picked up things from the culture of the non-Muslims, things that we do not find in the tradition dictated to us by the Lord of the worlds. For example:

1.  To wear black specifically to honor the deceased.

2.  Institutionalizing the placing of flowers at the site of the grave.

3.  To lower a national flag in honor of the deceased.

4.  There is no mention of a ‘moment-of-silence’ in our Deen.

5.  There is no mention of Quran Khanis (gathering people to recite Quran for the deceased) in the Sunnah of Muhammad sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam. All goodness is in following the guidance of our Prophet.

6.  There is no mention of gathering people 40 days after the death to recite Qur’an for the deceased.

7.  There is no mention of having an annual gathering where guests recite the Qur’an for the deceased.

8.  There is no mention in the Sunnah of collectively reciting Surat Al-Fatiha for the deceased.

So then what should we do?

1.  We should hasten to pay off the debts of the deceased.

2.  We should give our condolences to the family of the deceased. This could be done in the masjid, at the gravesite, at their homes, etc. But excessively long gatherings at the deceased’s home should not be encouraged.

3.  We should make food for the family of the deceased and not burden them with having to make food for the entire community.

4.  We should all attend the funeral prayer and, for men, follow the funeral to the gravesite. The women should not follow, as Umm Salamah said, “We were forbidden from following the funeral processions.”

5.  We may give sadaqah on behalf of the deceased, and we may perform Hajj on their behalf.

6.  Above all, we should make du’a, a lot of du’a, for the deceased. This is what the Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam taught us. Du’a is made for the deceased in the funeral prayer and should continue to be made. There is the hadith about the servant’s actions being cut off except from three things, one of which is, “…a pious son, who prays for him (for the deceased).”

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: “When a man dies, his acts come to an end, but three, recurring charity, or knowledge (by which people) benefit, or a pious son, who prays for him (for the deceased).” (Sahih Muslim, Book #013, Hadith #4005)

Abu Huraira radi Allaahu anhu narrated that Allah’s Messenger sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam said to a woman of the Ansar: “”In case anyone amongst you sees the sad demise of three children of (hers) and she resigns herself to the will of Allah hoping to get reward, she would be admitted to Paradise.” A woman from amongst them said: “Allah’s Messenger, even if they (the children who die) are two.” Thereupon, he (the Holy Prophet,) said: “Even if they are two.”” (Sahih Muslim, Book #032, Hadith #6367)

May Allah ta’ala increase our reward and perfect our patience if we are tested with the death of a loved one.