Friday Khutbah (Sermons) : Uncomparable Love

Friday Khutbah (Sermons) : Uncomparable Love

Shaykh Yasir Qadhi gave a khutbah at Islamic Foundation Masjid in Villa Park, Chicago, IL, Friday 14 March, 2008.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala reward Bint Abel Hamid for doing the transcription.

The Transcript:

In one of our classical books of history and narrations, it is mentioned that once, Abdullah ibn Umar was doing tawaaf around the Kaaba as an elderly person, many years after the death of the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam. And he saw a man doing tawaaf around the Kaaba who had a very old lady on his back. He was doing tawaaf carrying this lady on his back. And when the man saw ibn Umar, he rushed up to him, recognizing who he is, and he said, “Oh ibn Umar,” oh son of Umar ibn al-Khattaab, “Oh ibn Umar, this lady on my back is my mother.” This lady is my mother. “And she had a desire to go do Hajj. And I live in such and such a province,” and he mentioned a far province in the Muslim lands, “And I could not afford a mount.” I could not afford an animal, I could not afford to bring her in any other means except by carrying her on my back, walking from such and such a village. “Oh ibn Umar, have I done my duty as a son?” Is the scale now equivalent? Have all of the good deeds that the mother did, have I now recompensed her the way that she deserves?

Ibn Umar responded: “You have done nothing in return.” You’re proud and boastful about this? You have done nothing, your deeds are not worth anything in the scale! You’re comparing a scale of what your mother has done to what you have done back to her?! He says, “You have done nothing in return. But you have done good, and Allah will reward you.”

The man said, “Oh ibn Umar, I have traveled from such and such a province,” what do you mean I’ve done nothing? “I have traveled from the furthest lands, carrying my mother on my back – and you say I have done nothing?” Ibn Umar said – and listen to this psychologist, listen to the profundity of the response that he gave to this man, listen to it and understand it and apply it in your daily lives – he said: “You have done nothing because: when she sacrificed everything for you; when she did everything that she did for you – she gave up her time, her pleasures, her health – she gave up everything she had to raise you as you are – she did it out of a pure love and joy – wanting to see you flourish, waiting so you grow up and you live a full healthy life – she did it for your life – and now that you do it in return, you are waiting for her death – doing it as a pity – doing as an equivalent, doing it in return for the favors – you’re not doing it to see her flourish and live. You’re doing it as a sense of guilt, trying to pay back what she’s done, and waiting for her death, so she is literally off your back.”

The psychology of what she did versus what you are doing are completely separate! How can you compare the two? And how true, how profound is the statement of ibn Umar! When the child is raised by the parents, when the mother and father give everything that they have: their money, and their health, their wealth, their beings, everything. When they give to this child, what is the motivation of the parent? The parent wants to see this child flourish and live! They will literally give their lives for this child to live.

But when the child becomes old, and the child is entrusted to take care of his or her parents, the same emotions are not felt. The same patience is not there, the same love and tenderness, completely absent. And [for] this one reason, ibn Umar said: you cannot compare the two.

 

 Oh Muslims, many are the khutbahs that we have heard about the rights and status of parents in Islam. Many are the ayaat and ahadith that outline this very very important relationship. How often have we heard them? But have we truly acted upon them? Have we truly understood the role of parents and the status that Allah ‘azza wa jal has given them? And it is not just in our religion, it is not just with the coming of the Prophet Muhammad salla Allahu alayhi wasallam, no! Allah says in the Quran:

“When Allah took a meethaaq from the children of Israeel – from the most ancient civilizations – “Worship none but Allah, and show ihsaan to your parents…”” (Surah Al Baqarah 2:83)

From the earliest civilizations, Allah ‘azza wa jal took a meethaaq – do you know what a meethaaq is? It’s a covenant of the highest order! It’s a treaty that should never ever be gone against and contravened. It is a treaty between Allah and man. That is what meethaaq is. And what are the conditions of this meethaaq? Allah mentions many in the Quran – but the first two in every single series of verses that talks about it, the first: worship Allah; number two: be good to your parents.

“Your Lord has decreed” – such is the decree of Allah, such is the commandment of Allah, pay attention and heed –

“Your Lord has decreed: that no one shall be worshipped except for Allah, and that you be good to your parents…” (Surah Al Isra’ 17:23)

This is the decree of Allah – the eternal decree of Allah: be good go your parents.

What does it mean, be good? Allah mentions the word ihsaan. Ihsaan is the highest level of good. There is no level, there is no word in the Arabic language that gives the meaning of ihsaan. And the famous linguist of the Arabic language by the name of al-Raaghib al-Asfahaani, very famous ‘aalim of the Arabic language, he said that ihsaan is a state. It is not an action – it is not a deed, it is a state of mind, it is a frame of relationship, in which you give the most that you can, and you expect the least in return. You give your utmost being, this is what ihsaan is. You do everything you possibly, physically, spiritually, emotionally, can. What do you want back from the party? The least amount: nothing. You do it out of ihsaan. That is what ihsaan is.

Your rewards are not with your parents, your parents are not going to give you anything back – no. You do what you do, you give them the most – and you expect the least back. And had there been a word higher than ihsaan, Allah would have used it.

Notice in these series of verses – verses that you have all heard, all read, numerous times:

“Your Lord has decreed that you shall worship none but Him and that you have ihsaan to your parents…” (Surah Al Isra’ 17:23) –

Allah says, – “If either of them or both of them reach old age,…” (Surah Al Isra’ 17:23) –

and you are in charge of them – it is a blessing that they are old and you are alive, it is a blessing – many have been deprived of this blessing – if either or both of them have reached this age where you’re in charge of them – what does Allah say? You all know:

– “Don’t say uf…” (Surah Al Isra’ 17:23) –

What is the meaning of “uf”? Uf – two letter word; smallest letter, smallest word in the Arabic language that as a meaning: uf. Uf means: you are irritated. It’s the equivalent of “tsking” in English, or saying “ouch” when you’re hurt. The smallest indication, the slightest indication, that you are irritated is said by uf. The scholars of tafseer say: had there been a word that was less trivial, Allah would have used it here.

So the first verse uses ihsaan, the second versus uses “uf.” Ihsaan, the peak; uf, the lowest, but of what? Of what? Profound, brothers and sisters, think about this: Allah ‘azza wa jal said: “Don’t say uf to them” – meaning, don’t show or express your frustration and anger.

If Allah ‘azza wa jal had said to us, don’t become irritated, don’t be angry, don’t be frustrated, Allah ‘azza wa jal would have commanded us with something we could not bear. It is human nature to get frustrated, especially at elderly parents. It is human nature to get angry, it is human nature to get irritated. Allah knows this. So Allah did not oblige us that we don’t get angry, we don’t get frustrated, we don’t get irritated – no. He obliged us with something that is well within our capabilities. Don’t say, don’t express, don’t show, don’t outwardly give the impression that you’re irritated. Feel what you like in your heart, control it, be a man – control it:

– “…and don’t speak to them in a harsh manner…” (Surah Al Isra’ 17:23) –

Notice, Allah ‘azza wa jal has created us, He knows how difficult it is, not just to take care of children, especially to take care of parents. He knows how difficult it is. So Allah ‘azza wa jal put upon us a condition and a rule that is well within our limits: feel what you like; don’t express it, don’t make it outward, don’t show it to them.

– “…say to them beautiful, generous speech…” (Surah Al Isra’ 17:23) –

Say to them sweet things. Kareem: be generous in your speech to them. “And if they ask you,” Allah goes on in Surah Al Isra’, “If they ask you for more that you can give” – if they ask you for things you don’t have, Allah ‘azza wa jal says,

– “…give them optimistic phrases…” (Surah Al Isra’ 17:28)

“Insha’ Allah, I’ll try,” “insha’ Allah, we’ll do that,” give them hope, give them encouragement. Allah ‘azza wa jal is saying, even if they want more that you can give – don’t get irritated, don’t get angry – give them good speech, give them optimism, fill them and their hearts with joy, just like they had done for you when you were a child.

– and make du’aa for them, “Oh Allah, have mercy on them as they raised me…” (Surah Al Isra’ 17:24) –

… Because they have raised me, due to the face they raised me, just as they raised me. Beautiful speech here, we cannot go into too much detail, beautiful speech of Allah that Allah ‘azza wa jal is giving so many profound meanings: because they have raised me, just as they have raised me, due to the fact that they have raised me, oh Allah have mercy on them, because of what they have done for me.

Oh Muslims, much can be said about the verses in the Quran and the ahadith of the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam about treating the parents. But I want to mention an aspect that perhaps some of us have not appreciated. It is a psychological aspect, it is an aspect that I only came to realize when I became a parent, and so I primarily talk to those who are not yet parent, or are still new parents: you will not understand the love that a parent has for a child until you yourself have you own child.

You will NEVER understand that it means to love somebody until you become a parent. You will never understand it. You never ever have a relationship, have a feeling for any human being, like you do for your son or daughter.

No matter who that person is – many of you who are still young, you have this idealistic concept of loving the opposite gender and getting married to them – ask anybody who’s gone beyond that stage. Ask anybody who knows that truth – that type of love, it is a selfish love. Why is it a selfish love? Because you want something back in return. It is a love of give and take – it is a love of fights along with good, there’s good and there’s bad. Your most painful moments and your sweetest moment will be with your partner. This is a part of life.

But the love of a parent? The love of a mother? The love of a father? This is unselfish love, unrestricted.

You want to give up everything you have to bring a smile on that child’s face. You go to work, and you are motivated in your work to bring home some food to your children, to give an income to them – you will give up your life’s savings for their education. THAT is what you call love!

No human being feels that type of love for another, except a parent for the child. And when you think about it, and when you experience parenthood, you understand the POWER of Allah’s creation, for verily, I swear by Allah, if the parents did not have this love for this child, no child could live on the face of this earth.

A child is given to you. A child will be handed over to you, and you will be told, this is your baby, this is your child, you are responsible for it, you have to take care of it. This child will take up most of your time, most of your energy, most of your wealth, your living will become dependant upon this child, your entire life will change because of this child. The amount of sacrifice you must do cannot be measure in words, cannot be measured in figures, cannot be measured in quantities. Those who have children and are growing up with them, they know what I’m talking about – and yet you have not experienced everything, because your children are still growing up with you.

Your parents have done that for you. Your parents have done that for you, and you don’t even realize it, because when you become an adult, you “know it all,” you’re the one who thinks they know better than their parents, you’re the one who wants to leave the nest and become independent. And you don’t realize that a mother’s love, a father’s love – once you leave that nest, it will never be the same. Once that parent goes away as well, you will never have that opportunity again.

 

Oh Muslims, this is the beauty of the cycle of life – that Allah ‘azza wa jal blesses all of us with parents. And then He blesses some of us with children, and those children grow up, and some of us are still alive. Some of us have our parents alive when we grow up – that’s why Allah says in the Quran: “If one or both of them are alive, take care of them” (Surah Al Isra’ 17:23), because some of us don’t have that luxury.

One of the companions, famous companions, his mother passed away, and he was crying… greatly. So some of the other sahabah tried to console him, and they said: it’s alright, she is in jannah insha’ Allah, she’s forgiven. They tried to console him. And he said, “Do you think I’m crying because she died? Of course I’m sad because she died, that’s not why I’m crying.”

Notice how the sahabah view things and how we view them. He said: “I am crying because my door to jannah has been shut! And I don’t know if I got in or not.” She was my door to jannah! That’s why I’m crying. My door to jannah has been shut. I don’t know – was I a good enough son?! I don’t know – did I do what I needed to do?! There’s no other way for me except through her.

And he quoted, or he paraphrased an authentic hadith of the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam when he said that the parent is the LARGEST door to paradise; the parents is the middle door to paradise, the parent is the MAIN door to paradise. It’s an authentic hadith.

So the sahaba understood this. The death of a parent was not just a personal loss. It was a religious and spiritual loss as well: I don’t know whether I made it in or not…

A man came to Ibn Abbas, and he said: I have done this and I have done that, I have done this and I have done that. He listed a whole long list of sins, and he had just repented and come back to Islam. He said, “What can I do now?” Ibn Abbaas said, “Are one of your parents alive?” He said, “Yes, my mother is alive.” Ibn Abbaas said: “Go stick to her – go at her feet” – go service here – go give everything you have to her – “because I know of no other deed that forgives the amounts of sins that serving your parents does.” No deed can take that place of cleansing an entire life of evil, cleansing an entire lifetime of disease, than being good to your parents. Go to her, and give your entire body and soul to her – bring to her that happiness and joy, and that’s your only hope that I can see for you.

And he’s basing this as well on many ahadith of the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam.
A man came to the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam, and he said, “Ya rasool Allah” – this hadith is in Bukhari – “Ya rasool Allah, I have come from Yemen” – the furthest corners of Arabia, nothing further than Yemen – “I have come from Yemen, in order to be with you!” He has now become a sahabi – he has elevated his rank in history by visiting the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam! “…in order to be with you, and do jihad behind you. And in order to do so, I had to leave my parents crying at my loss and departure.”

He’s trying to boast, he’s trying to brag, he’s trying to show his status: I want to do this, and I even left my parents crying, in order to come here.

The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam asked him: “Do you want jannah?” Meaning: is that your goal? You want the pleasure of Allah? He said: “Yes.” The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam said: “In that case, go back to them now, GO BACK TO THEM and make them laugh, just like you left them cry.”

Meaning: you want jannah and you have done this? You want jannah and your own parents are not happy with you? You will not be able to earn jannah in any other way! Brothers and sisters, this man left everything to come to the Prophet of Allah salla Allahu alayhi wasallam, he left everything to do jihad behind the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam, and the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam is saying, you want jannah? Go back to your parents, and be with them! Make them laugh like you have made them cry!

Do you understand the rights of the parents? Do you understand the Prophet of Allah is saying: do you really want jannah and you’re coming to me? You’re coming to me to do jihad with me, and your own parents need you? He told that man to go back to his parents, and make them laugh like he had made them cry.

Oh Muslims, the status of parents is something that transcends even religion. Generally speaking; generally speaking, if a man or a woman is abusive to Islam, cursing Allah and His Messenger, we leave him alone – we don’t associate with him. There’s only one exception, and that exception is the parent. That exception is the parent.

Allah ‘azza wa jal says: “even if your parents try to force you to idolatry,…” (Surah Luqman 31:15) –

They’re forcing you – they’re physically trying to shove you down in front of an idol – emotional blackmail, spiritual blackmail, whatever they’re doing – they’re doing jihad against you, to do shirk… Allah says:

– “Don’t listen to them.” – You can’t contravene the first principal which is la illah illa Allah, BUT:

leave their affair to Allah, “in this world, you must be good to them” (Surah Luqman 31:15) –

“Ma’roof”: be kind and just to them.”

EVEN parents who are idol worshippers, who are mushriks, trying to force you to leave Islam, you still don’t have the right to be rude to them. If you can’t be rude to someone like that, then brothers and sisters, let us look at our own lives. When have we been rude to our mothers and fathers? When they show us love?

 

Oh brothers – especially the younger amongst you – Oh brothers, listen to me, and listen well:

The love that your mother and father have for you is a love you will never understand until you become a parent and are at that age. And the feeling that you have of being stifled with rules and regulations – that feeling is a feeling that you will miss – you will miss when you leave your parents’ nest. And you will be even more strict with your children when your time comes.

Don’t fool yourselves. You don’t understand the meaning of your parents’ love for you. Every rule and regulation they put upon you is because of their love for you – they want what is best for you. Every single rule and regulation that they have upon you – every requirement, every desire – it is a desire for you, and not against you. You won’t realize it now. These are only going to be words to you. But when you have your own child, and you have raised that child in front of your eyes, and the child becomes a young man or a young woman, you will be even stricter upon that child than your parents were with you. Why? Because you’re living in this society. You know what it means to be in this world. You know the ins and outs. Therefore, you’re gonna be even more protective than your parents were.

Realize this, and pay heed to it. And understand that they only do this out of love for you.

And understand another part, which is ever more profound. And many of you will not fully comprehend it until the age comes. And that is: no matter what you think of your parents, in terms of their knowledge of this world, in terms of their knowledge of American culture, or their knowledge of civilization – no matter how you look down at them because of whatever they have or haven’t done – they have one thing that you don’t have. And that is experience – wisdom – age. Experience and wisdom is not taught in a book. You don’t learn it by studying. It comes by living through life.

And you as a 17 year old kid – you don’t know what experience is, you don’t know what wisdom is. Your mother and father have gone through life, they know what it means to live. Even if they speak with a different accent, even if they do things that to you look backwards, they are more knowledgeable than you of the mechanisms of human life. They understand emotions better than you. They know what it means to live amongst humans, because they have done it, and you haven’t –

And a time will come – trust me – a time will come when you will regret that you didn’t take their advice more.

Right now, for many of you who are young, you trivialize their advice. You think, my parents don’t know anything. As a 20 year old, you know everything, and they, at 50, 60, they know nothing. A time will come when you would wish that your parents were still alive, so you can call them up and get their advice. A time will come when you will realize: my parents did indeed know this best.

And this is something that, you should pray to Allah that that time comes when you are still alive. Because it is possible – it is the sunnah of Allah that children grow up, and their parents die before them – this is the sunnah of Allah, the general rule.

We should strive our best to make sure, that when our parents die, whenever that happens – and we ask Allah to give all of us a long life, we should try and strive, that when they leave this world, they leave this world pleased with us, content with us, happy with us, knowing that we have done everything we can for them.

Because it is possible a parent will die… and you haven’t done your job – you haven’t done justice. And when that happens, you can never return the clock. You can never bring them back. And you will live the rest of your life in regret and remorse, now that this door of jannah has been shut, and you don’t know whether you have entered it or not.

 

[istighfaar… followed by second khutbah]

 

What can we do, to our parents? What can we do for them? What can we do to make them happy? If your parents are alive, first and foremost thank Allah ‘azza wa jal for this opportunity. Thank Him; rejoice that there is still chance and hope! THANK Allah that Allah has blessed you to be an adult while your parents are still alive. Do for them everything that is humanly possible.

Financially. Many of us think that financially, our wives or children take precedent – no! Islamically speaking, it is number one: the mother and father; number two: the wife and kids. We have to take care of ALL – it is our obligation as men, we have to take care of a lot of people, but number one on that list is mother and father – and that is why, when a man came to the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam complaining, “Oh ya rasool Allah, my father takes this, my father takes that,” complaining that his father would take some things of his possession. After ALL that the father has done for this son, after ALL the money and time and effort and sweat, this man came and complained that he took bits and pieces – he took trinkets from his wealth? And he’s complaining, “My father takes money without asking me?”

Do you know the response of the Rasool salla Allahu alayhi wasallam? “Anta wa maaluka li abeek.” “You and your wealth – all of it – belongs to your father.” You’re now getting angry that he’s taken a hundred dollars? A thousand dollars? After ALL that he’s done? ALL that you own belongs to your father – you and ALL of your possessions. “Anta wa maaluka li abeek.” Who are you now to come and complain that he takes a little bit from you?

And from this, scholars of fiqh have derived many, many rulings: that the father owns the property of the son, some of the fuqahaa’ said. And others disagreed with this. The point being, from this, they took many rulings of fiqh.

If they’re alive, financially, number one – it is not possible for you to eat a full meal, and your parents don’t have that. Take care of them, in any way possible. Spiritually. Make du’aa for them. Do what you can to show your love to them. If they’re with you, alhamdulillah. If they’re in another country, make sure they are taken care of. Calling them up – simple phone call – do not underestimate the joy that you will bring your mother by calling her up on the phone. Do not underestimate that. The love that she will feel, talking to her regularly. Do not underestimate the power of a conversation, and being in touch. Make sure that you do anything –

Every one of us comes from a culture and civilization – there are things that we do in that culture, to show respect to them – do those things. It is a part of your religion – it is a part of your duty to Allah, that you do this.

But if it so happens that they are no longer with you – if Allah ‘azza wa jal has willed that they have moved on to the next life – then still, there are things that can be done.

First and foremost: du’aa. Du’aa for them. Du’aa that Allah forgives them, raises their ranks, blesses them. The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam told us, that of the best thing we can do when somebody dies is to make du’aa for them – when the parent dies, we make du’aa for them. Allah commands us in the Quran: make du’aa for them. The Prophet Nooh made du’aa for his parents. The Prophet Ibrahim made du’aa for his parents. All of this is in the Quran. Continual du’aa.

One of the sahabah, when his father died, he said: “for one year, I could not think of anything to make du’aa, except for my father. ONE YEAR, every time I raised my hand, all I could do was make du’aa for him.” This is a part of being a good son. Make du’aa for them.

Another thing you can do: give charity on their behalf. Give money – and you say, “Oh Allah, may the reward of this go to my mother and father.” Go for Hajj and Umrah. “May the reward of this go to my mother and father.” Sacrifice an ‘udhiya. “May the reward of this go to my mother and father.” You do what you can, financially, and you expect the reward to go to your parents, and not to yourself.

Also, you can visit their relatives, and visit their friends that you used to visit when they were alive. You visit their circle of friends, that you used to visit. And you do what you can, to bring about their memory, in that sense. Because when you go to their gatherings – your parent’s relatives, your parent’s friends – what will happen? The topic of conversation will always be your mother and father. And when that brings about, you will remember them with good, and you will pray for them.

So this, too, is part of being a dutiful son.

Basically, brothers and sisters, do what you can before it is too late. Do what you can, ALL that you can do, and there is no good deed after the worship of Allah that is more beloved than being good to the parent.

In the authentic hadith of the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam when a man came to him, wanted to do good, the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam asked, “Is your mother alive?” He said: “Yes.” The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam said: “go to her, and stick to her feet (an Arabic expression, meaning: submit yourself to her), because at her feet is jannah.” Jannah is around her feet. That’s what the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam said.

I conclude this khutbah with one hadith of the Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wasallam. Where, he was climbing up the minbar, and when he got up to the last minbar (step), he said, “Ameen.” And, when he said Ameen, the sahaba asked him, “why are you saying Ameen?” He said: “Jibreel came to me and said, “Make du’aa that any man who finds his parents alive at an old age, and still does not manage to get his sins forgiven, make du’aa that he is never forgiven.”” Meaning, there is no hope for the man who reaches old age with his parents, and yet does not gain the forgiveness of Allah. If you can’t be a good son, you cannot be a good Muslim. It’s that simple.

Allahum inee daa’in fa amminno.