Tag Archives: interpersonal

Interpersonal Skills: Convince him of his error so he may accept advice

Some people tend to engage others uselessly by offering excessive unsolicited advice and remarks, which may be solely based on their personal liking. For instance, after attending a wedding party that you and your wife had planned and organised, an invitee complains to you, “Dear brother, the wedding party was not very appropriate. You tired yourself in vain. I was under the impression that the party would be of a higher standard.” “How so?” you ask, civilly. He says, “Dear brother, most of the meat was fried. I personally prefer boiled meat. The salad was sour due to too much lemon, not exactly to my taste. The sweets were all decorated with Read more ...

Interpersonal Skills: Keeping a Secret

A famous old saying goes, "Any secret that passes beyond two is bound to spread." Someone was asked, "Who are 'the two' being referred to here?" He pointed to his two lips and said, "These two!" During the last few years of my life, I do not recall whispering into someone's ear a secret, entrusting him therewith, except that that I made him swear an oath that my secret will remain in a bottomless well! Nor do I recall any of them saying to me explicitly, "Dear friend, please forgive me for I am no longer able to keep your secret." In fact, whenever you inform someone of your secret, he will place his hand on his chest and say, "By Allah! If they put the Read more ...

Interpersonal Skills: Smile and keep smiling

I have known a person for years, as he is one of my work colleagues. Would you believe me if I tell you that to this day I do not know if he has teeth or not! He is constantly frowning and sulking, as if smiling may decrease his age or wealth! Jarir bin ‘Abdullah al-Bajali said, “The Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu alayhi wassallam) never saw me except that he smiled at me.” Smiling is of various types and of different levels. One type is to be constantly cheerful, where your face is always bright with joy. If you are a teacher and enter the classroom to see your students, meet them with a cheerful face. If you board a plane and walk through the Read more ...

Interpersonal Skills: Do not be Dictatorial!

Compare between three fathers. Each one of them sees his son sitting in front of the television screen during the days of his examination. The first one says to his son, “Muhammad! Revise your lessons!” The second says, “Majid! If you do not revise, by Allah, I will hit you and I will not give you any pocket money!” The third says, “Salih! Would you please revise your lessons? It would be better than watching television, don’t you think?” Which of the three would be considered best manners? Undoubtedly, the third, since he presented his order to him as if it were only a suggestion. Similarly, it should be the case when dealing with your Read more ...

Interpersonal Skills: Respond to mistreatment with kindness

Most commonly when you deal with people, they treat you how they want to treat you, and not how you want to be treated. Not everyone you meet with cheerfulness is cheerful to you in return. Some of them may even become angry, think badly of you and ask, “What are you laughing at?” Not everyone you present a gift returns your favour. You may give gifts to some people only to find them backbiting you in various gatherings, and accusing you of being foolish and wasting money! Not everyone you are kind to in speech or praise generously or use kind words with responds to you in kind. Allah has divided up manners for people, just as He has divided up their Read more ...

Interpersonal Skills: Who kicked the cat?

Who kicked the cat? Before you answer this question, read the story in full. A person used to work as a secretary for a very ill-mannered manager who did not have a single skill of dealing with people. This manager used to accumulate his workload and take upon his shoulders burdens he could not bear. One day, he called his secretary, so he entered and stood in front of him. The secretary said, “Yes. How may I help, sir?” He said, “I called your phone but you never answered!” The secretary replied, “That was because I was in the other room. I am sorry, sir!” He replied, “You are always saying sorry! Take these papers and give them to Read more ...

Interpersonal Skills: How the Prophet dealt with Adversaries

The Prophet (Sallallahu alayhi wassallam) would always be just with the disbelievers and even be ready to sacrifice his life in order to call them to Islam and rectify their affairs. He would bear their evils with patience and try to overlook their harms. Why would he not do so when Allah has said: “We have sent you as a mercy…” To whom? To the believers only? No; rather, “To the world.” Think about the Jews who would insult him and instigate trouble, whilst he would continue to be gentle with them. ‘A’ishah – may Allah be pleased with her – said, “The Jews once passed by the Prophet’s house and said: ‘as-Saam ‘alaykum’ Read more ...

Interpersonal Skills: Be kind at the first meeting

It was the habit in some rural areas of old Egypt that a groom before his wedding night would hide a cat in his room. On the wedding night, when alone with his wife, he would move a chair slightly to so as to free the cat. He would then demonstrate his might to his wife by getting hold of the poor cat and strangling it to death! Why? So that the first impression of him imprinted in the mind of his wife would be one of awe! When I graduated from university and took up a position as an instructor at a college, a senior instructor advised me, saying, “Be stern with the students during your first lesson and stare at them with furious eyes so they will Read more ...

Purify your intention for the sake of Allah

I contemplated the way some people, some of whom I have lived with for years, deal with others,. I do not ever recall them laughing, or even smiling at a joke out of courtesy, or reacting positively to the person speaking to them. I used to think that perhaps this was how they were nurtured and that they were unable to alter their nature. I was therefore stunned one day to see some of them with a group of rich and powerful people, laughing and being courteous. I then realised that they only did this for their own personal interests and are thereby losing out on great rewards from Allah. A believer worships Allah by being well-mannered and dealing pleasantly Read more ...